Blessings

As many of you know and if you haven't heard me say it a million times I have a gorgeous daughter named Eden Nicole, who just turned 18 months on April 8. She has been the biggest blessing in our lives and if you know her, you know there is never a dull moment from her!From her crazy faces to her joyful personality.She brings so much life to our world.On March 3rd of this year we found out we were expecting baby number two!We were so thrilled, especially me because for about 3 months I had been talking to Connor that I was really desiring to have another baby and his immediate response was "no"! So for those months I prayed God would soften his heart. That if it was the Lords will we would have another baby and that God would clearly speak that to Connor.February came and we started discussing having another baby once again. This time the conversation went differently, I was blown away when Connors response was, "let's start praying about it as a couple and pray Gods will to be done." I was so excited!We began to pray together about it and four weeks later guess what...we found out we were pregnant!!!What an exciting time in our lives only to find out a few days later, Connor was laid off from his job.We had gone through this before so it didn't phase us much.We knew Matthew 6:26 tells us "Look at the birds of the air;they do not sow or reap or stow away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.Are you not much more valuable than they?" We rested in this and found so much comfort in knowing He had provided for us before and would do it again.And let me tell you He has!He has provided in miraculous ways!From family and friends providing work for Connor to do on their homes, to anonymous amounts of money sent to our house, to bags of groceries in our yard!!!He is amazing and the ultimate provider. Weeks went by and we continued to rejoice in the Lord, sure we had our moments of doubt and a few times got a little overwhelmed knowing in a few months we would have two mouths to feed and to bottoms to diaper but God always brought us back to His promises.On April 3rd we had an ultrasound done at the Pregnancy Resource Center,I was around 9 weeks pregnant.I was so excited to see my baby, to see his or her feet kicking around and to see that precious heart beat.I laid on the table and had tons of butterflies in my tummy only to see the most heart breaking thing on the monitor. There was sac and my heart was broken to see no tiny feet or sweet hands waving around.My heart sank!I thought to myself,"this cant be happening ashley". "You haven't had a problem getting pregnant either times and you didn't have any complications with Eden, this is an attack and everything will be fine". I stayed strong for about 5 minutes and finally burst into tears. I was devastated!This baby who I had already began to love and care for, who we bought a bassinet for and who we had names picked out for wasn't there!To sum up the next week up, we went to the Drs, the ER, blood testing, ultrasounds, had bleeding, cramping, crying, hurting, praying, asking, hoping, seeking, and surrendering. Finally to find out I had a blighted ovum where a baby had began to form and usually before 6 weeks in the pregnancy the body recognizes a problem and the baby is absorbed back into the body leaving an empty sac. That empty sac I would deliver April 11, at 10 weeks of pregnancy, in the emergency room. I went through 2 1/2 hours of PAINFUL "laboring" worst than actual labor, to pass an empty sac, all the pain for no joyful, beautiful baby to hold or to hear their sweet cry but to leave the emergency room, treated as any other patient with nothing in my arms but a diagnosis paper with the bold word MISCARRIAGE at the top of the paper. It has been a week now since the miscarriage, and I am praising God for the peace He has given our family. Philippians 4:7 says, "And the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."We have truly experienced this in a way we never had before. We have seen the body come together and surround us with love, from prayers, sweet words of encouragement to meals and just plain ol' fellowship. We have so much joy and excitement to see what the Lord is going to do, how He is going to use it.For me it has helped so much to cope through the pain to talk about it and be open.Romans 12:15 says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice;mourn with those who mourn. Even just to hear the simple words, "I am praying for you" has meant the world. This has been a very difficult time in our lives. I hit lows where all do is cry, feel confused, I'm broken, and feel so alone, I feel no one understands me and then I feel Gods gentle hands holding my heart lifting me up and dusting me off.Telling me He knows that pain Im going through and that He has experienced loss. I have been encouraged knowing because I hurt does not mean I dont trust God. I KNOW He did this all for a reason and He did it so gently and gracious and for that I am so thankful! 2nd Corinthians 1:3-4 says,Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. My sister in law sent me a a song called "Blessing" by Laura Story and it has been such an encouragement to me. A blessing isn't always something that seems "good" in our eyes. The songs says, "what if healing comes through tears...what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise". Holding tight to Him through this time and even though we can not understand and may never until we get to heaven, we are taking it as the Lords blessing in our life and are so excited to see God use it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ

Lets start BLOGGING!!!

Ok so this blogging thing is brand new to me and let me just admit I'm HORRIBLE at it!!!Then why am I doing do you ask???Well that is an excellent question!This past 6 months have been just a crazy time of growing in our family's life.From wonderful stories of women choosing life at Family Planning abortion clinic, to our every day life.It truly has been a roller coaster of adventure for us three.My sister in law( who is amazing at blogging and such an encouragement in my walk) has time after time said I should blog. My excuse every time was I don't know how, but more and more the Lord has pressed it on me to start one, to share our struggles, our blessing and to ultimately share what the Lord is doing in and through us. Of course posting absolutely adorable pictures of my oh so crazy 18 month old, my handsome husband, and myself will be a given, but to give God the glory for everything He brings us to.Are you excited?! :) I hope so!